im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Green mimosas i think yes
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize