I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
