i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
