I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
