eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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