this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
