Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
