i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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