So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
If I die, sorry about rent.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
