No awkward lesbian experiences without me
you guys were way drunker than both of me
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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