Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
