woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
