I'm really into asian looking animals
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
