No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
