Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
