JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
