We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
