I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize