thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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