He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
