loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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