please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize