The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
