My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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