I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I think people are normalizing furries
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize