i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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