I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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