I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
