i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
