This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
only you would photoshop your dick
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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