these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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