It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
