When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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