we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
