better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
the raccoons are back...
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