I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
