I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize