You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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