why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
