and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize