Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
