I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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