I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
