do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
