I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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