eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
