If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
if only i could text you this smell
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
