The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
