I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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