K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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