He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
