Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I woke up under a house in Key West
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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