Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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