Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
