well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
