I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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