Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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