What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
