Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
