hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
