She is in my trunk
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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