I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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