i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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