There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
farters have to be the big spoon...
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
