puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
