Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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