Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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