Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
